Not sure why I didn't find this forum sooner

No it was my truck hood he was flopping around on. Think he thought I was going to loose it on him instead I was rolling around laughing my heart out.

I learned a long time ago life is much better if you don't sweat the small stuff.

Paul

Absolutely!

Damage been done. It's too late to be upset about it.

I get that, people cowering, or afraid.
I realize I'm FAR from the person I appear to be. (a gruff old white dude with great diction and a vocabulary like a sailor! 😂)

exactly

Not to worry my skin has gotten pretty thick over the years.

Autism runs in my family too though it was never talked about nor was I ever diagnosed for having it. But looking back over my life I see the areas I struggled and understand why now. I do struggle getting words out of my head and writing things down is even tougher.

Paul

You're doing a great job here, Paul!  

thanks, but tell that to my spell checker

I can't stand autocorrect.

I have a VERY good vocabulary (as a five year old kid I used to read the thesaurus and dictionary for fun!)
But often the algorithm decides to put words in my mouth or drop something at random, in the middle of a reply.  😡

I leave auto correct off but rely on spell check for help though I often stump the spell checker. Me it was numbers and shapes that I was good with.

I'm sure my life would of been much smoother if I had understood Autism at a earlier age.

Paul

This is one of those moments when people can connect on another level.

I meet people every day with AS (disorder! 😂) and others with my co-morbid conditions like cPTSD and the rest...

Just the other day I accidentally sent an Afghan vet to his Bad Place.
I was not scared, but I was horrified that I had touched his reset button.
I would never EVER want to subject someone to my demons, but I have an idea of his.

I'd rather view it as family than strangers

Oh no, that poor vet, I often wonder how all the lads coped after WW1 and WW2 ended.

I've just started to get a grasp of the hell that Autism / cPTSD is. Its so deep and varied from one person to the next and also how its intertwined with ones childhood and life experiences. All I can say is wow, still trying to get my head around it all.

Think its time I dug out my camera....at least when alone in the bush taking pictures of wildlife my mind truly is at peace.

PTSD can be "complex" for a reason.
It was called 'shell shocked' back then.
The maladaptive survival behaviors our mind adopts can present in many ways.
I'm getting better with rage, but I can also dissociate and go catatonic.

There's a reason autism is a "Spectrum"
In elementary school I used to beat my head on the desk so hard it would spatter blood.
But, unlike many non-verbal autists I'm incredibly loquacious.
That coupled with the fact I used to read the encyclopedia and thesaurus for fun makes me sound "preachy" at times, but really I'm just incredibly enthusiastic about sharing all the esoteric minutiae in my head.

The DSM IV threw all of us into the pool together, instead of differentiating Asperger's Syndrome and other forms of autism.

I'm basically Rainman with a penchant for cultures & language, chemistry and material science, rocketry & orbital dynamics, OSINT & cryptography (anything that's a puzzle or pattern recognition) 3D spatial relations (my brain lives CAD) and I can instantly grasp an analog schematic.  

I'm also really good with colour and typefaces because as a kid I used to work in a commercial art store.
When Panatone and Letraset were a thing before computers made stat cameras obsolete.
I had walls of numbers memorized!

I also love my 87 460 pickup.
No computers, airbags, traction control (LOOK at my tone ring! 😳😆😂🤣🤯)
I KNOW every millimeter of Li'l Red.

Thanks Jim you have no idea how much your replies have helped me figure things out. Sorry for the slow replies but you've been giving much to sort out.

I’ve been struggling to understand Autism / cPTSD largely because most of the online articles are written by highly educated normal people and it just sails to far over my head. Seems they all talk about Autism like how its seen from out side of the head looking in but not from how it looks looking from the inside out....does that make any sense to you.

Even in our brief chat here you’ve opened my eyes up to several things that strike a deep chord and I have a ah-ha moment. So thanks for taking the time to explain things. Though you force me to google several words to get the full gist of what your saying. My cousin opened the door on me being Autistic about a year ago I’m still trying to figure things out hows that’s for having a life time of struggles.

And to think I showed up here for help with my truck.

Paul

I'm nobody's therapist, but I'm very open about my conditions.
If you'd like, I'm more than willing to 'speak' off the forum. (as with a number of other posters)
I can give you my email & cell# so you could exchange personal experience.
Write it, text it, speak it, whatever...

I don't sleep much.  (Maybe 4 hrs this past week)
PTSD will do that to you....

But I'm ABSOLUTELY here for your truck project as well!